Something of light fun re Christianity , which was sent to me today by an ardent Churchman , the like of which could never be by an ardent Islamist ! " A child was asked to write a book report on the entire> Bible.>> I wonder how often we take for g ranted that children> understand what we are teaching???>> Through the eyes of a child:>> The Bible , in a nutshell, as seen in the eyes of a child .>> 20> In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was> nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says,> 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot> older than that.> Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone> did.> Then God made the world.> He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked,> but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't> been invented yet.> Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they> were driven from the Garden of Eden.> Not sure what they were driven in though, because they> didn't have cars.> Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long> as he was Abel.> Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for> Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.> One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good> guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a> large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He> asked some other people to join him, but they said they> would have to take a rain check.> After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more> famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his> birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son> named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.> Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was> Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt> and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on> Pharaoh's people. These p lagues included frogs, mice,> lice, bowels, and no cable.>> God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then> he gave them His Top Ten Commandments.> These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet> your neighbor's stuff.> Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and> thy mother.> One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first> Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol> and the fence fell over on the town.> After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a> giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had> about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he> was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.> After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets.> One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale> and then barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor> league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry> about them.> After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is> the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn.> (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is> always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a> barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of> fact, I was.')>> During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like> the Pharisees and the Democrats.> Jesus also had twelve opossums.>> The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that> they named a terrible vegetable after him.> Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even> preached to some Germans on the Mount.> But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial> before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for> Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.>> Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life> again.> He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the> Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.>> share this delightful story!
Tony Price ● 6432d