Forum Topic

Women's only Gym in Ealing

To all the women out there, do you use the gym. Do you feel intimidated or do you get men staring non stop or trying to chat you up. I know lots of women out there who have had bad experiences at the gym and when they tried complaining, they werent taken seriously. The mangement's attitude is 'what is the big deal'. Why isnt there a gym only for women in Ealing. Last month, I joined up with a gym in the local area (I can't mention the name) and on my induction, the fitness instructor had his arm around me all the time. I just didnt know what to say to him. So when i complained to the manager, it was 'he normally does that, no one else complains'. Needless to say, i have now cancelled my membership but feel put off joining a gym again.

Asha Smith ● 5009d38 Comments

I doubt if he meant any harm, but one word from you should have been enough to stop it.

Susan Kelly ● 5008d

I was afraid that if I told him to move his hand, he would get offended and would not give me an induction. But anyway, my new year resolution is to be assertive and if ever a fitness instructor tried to touch me again, I would soon sort him out.

Asha Smith ● 5008d

If you want gym classes I recommend Jackie Wilson who runs energy-eyes in Brentford Methodist Church. She does a range of classes - not aerobics.  http://www.energ-eyesfitness.com

Margaret Wittich ● 5008d

Thanks Margaret. I had a look at the website and It looks very impressive. I will go next week.

Asha Smith ● 5008d

phone Jackie before you go as the session have limited numbers. I go to xpress circuit on Mondays and Thursdays ay 6pm

Margaret Wittich ● 5008d

Just out of interest - why should single sex gyms be any more necessary than say single sex supermarkets, bars, swimming pools, libraries, etc, etc?  Sounds like a world of gender aparteid to me.  Much prefer a fully mixed world personally.  If anyone behaves innappropriately to someone else, whether due to gender, race, height or anything else, it should surely be addressed accordingly, not my segragation.Just my humble opinion!

Steve Chilcott ● 5008d

You are absolutely right Steve. I agree with what you say, If someone behaves inappropriately to someone else, then it should be addressed accordingly. But unfortunately, companies are just interested in making a profit and when someone does report something, they just couldnt care less. When I reported the fitness instructor, I told the manager he should look at the CCTV and he would be able to see clearly just how of order the instructor was but he said he couldnt unless a filed a complaint with the police.

Asha Smith ● 5008d

I agree 100% with Steve. Common sense such as yours is sadly lacking in society.More power to your elbow.

Simon Wycombe ● 5007d

You presumably havent been groped by a man. Wonder how you would feel if it happened to you.

Asha Smith ● 5007d

If I had I would definitely have done something about it. More than telling us,that's for sure. I have 2 daughters so am quite sensitive about these kind of issues but as Steve says, opening a female only gym is not the real answer.

Simon Wycombe ● 5007d

Unfortunately whilst we should not need women only gym's, the context of this thread implies that there is a need for it. Women and also Men can both be self conscious about themselves and so any environment that encourages healthy living is important. i need to lose weight and public swimming baths are fine for me!! also  asha felt intimidated and the response of the manager says everything.

Peter Chadburn ● 5007d

> ...said he couldnt unless a filed a complaint with the policeBizarre!

Tony Colliver ● 5007d

Yes, but the way forward is not to segregate facilities.After all the fuss about the men-only facilities of the past I am more than a little irritated by the ever-rising incidence of the women-only this and the women-only that facility.Discrimination is discrimination.  Regardless of which sex is the excluded one.  Period.

Tony Colliver ● 5007d

Segregation is wrong, however a choice to feel comfortable should be allowed. in the old days Cadbury's built public swimming pools in Bournville. However they built a women's one side of the factory and the men's the other side. Obviously in those old days you balanced the enlightenment of an employer providing such facilities against social attitudes against women. At Brentford fountain pool they do have a women only session. but surely this is a product of social attitudes than a deep seated desire for segregation. there may be groups that want us totally segregated but those groups would not want women swimming in the first place. discrimination is not the case as most of the time i can go swimming. but there are also closures for learners, lessons and swimming clubs.

Peter Chadburn ● 5007d

It's simple running off to the manager and snitching on someone who has done nothing more than put a reassuring arm around. Perfectly normal in a touch feely society.  It's hardly going to make things better. So would you feel good if the chap got sacked or reprimanded?It's hardly a grope and a tongue down your gob.If you don't like what the chap does then politely tell him so so he knows.If he persists then you really do have a full mandate to complain and be taken seriously.Other women revel in such treatment and only go to the gym for that reason.If you went to dancing lessons you will have men putting their arms around you and a bit more and vice versa.Likewise with some gym exercises you need someone to support or catch you whilst you learn the correct moves.A tad paranoid or naive.

Michael Brandt ● 5007d

Sorry If I come across as naive, but I come from an era where men behaved like gentlemen and women behaved like ladies. Nowadays, everything including television is obsessed with the S.. word. Men have no right to touch a female without her permission especially if he does not know her. I was absolutely terrified when the fitness instructor put his arm around me constantly and pulled me near to him and a few gym users remarked at how terrified I looked and what was he doing. My mistake was not telling him to Piss off but hopefully I will not be scared next time and be more assertive. But the problem is I have been brought up to never be rude to elders, so swearing at someone else will take time for me to learn.

Asha Smith ● 5007d

well put asha, i wish you luck in finding something more comfortable. i would suggest that the managers attitude is pretty poor though

Peter Chadburn ● 5007d

Ask the manager if he also employed Jimmy Savile? That might make him think.

Ian D. Richardson ● 5007d

I did send an email to the manager and mentioned Jimmy Saville and I said I didnt want a similar occurence happening a few years down the line where ladies complaints were ignored and he just laughed. Then I told him that if one day, it happens that this instructor rapes a women, I would let everyone know how they ignored my warnings. They still werent interested. These Managers are in their early 20's, baby face and hardly have managerial skills.

Asha Smith ● 5007d

So next - it is off to head office.I agree, it is very annoying to see people with so little life experience apparently being in charge.(Some years ago I had a dispute of an entirely unrelated sort with the gym in Ealing Broadway Centre.  It took several letters to head office to get satisfaction.  The local people, just as is your experience still today, simply couldn't get what the problem was.)

Tony Colliver ● 5007d

Interesting Asha, i assume you wrote to the head office then as well. good luck with the other one. but it is wrong that you should have had to endure this in 2012/2013

Peter Chadburn ● 5007d

No I didn't bother writing to Head office. I just felt no one would be interested and gave up.

Asha Smith ● 5007d

It's a good thing to be brought up to care and respect others regardless of age.We live in very confused times. For every one Jimmy Savile there are tens of thousands of genuine caring folk who do loads for others are tactile but do not ever behave like this creature.Like the hysteria over paedophiles, we all, regardless of sex, need to not allow us to become paranoid about everyone. Ignorance is the enemy here. Remember the lynch squads on the South Coast who went looking to beat up a paediatrician? Not everyone is JS and if someone oversteps your line, usually just being polite but firm is enough. Everyone needs to know where they stand with people and there are so many different types of people and cultures here, it is impossible to know what is OK and is not any more.But you are right, when, someone persists and even the management ignore it repeatedly, then they are just as responsible as the perpetrator. Like JS, it is those who turned a blind eye, propagated him and covered up who are as guilty as he is

Michael Brandt ● 5007d

You don't need to tell anyone to piss off, Asha. Just say that you are not comfortable with his touching you. He will probably be mortified at having upset you, but if he persists after that, then you can get nasty.

Susan Kelly ● 5007d

I think sexual segregation is absolutely fine, where it is practically implementable - it is a common denominator across all backgrounds.I mean, do you think having single-sex public toilets will fly anytime before the next two generations?!Btw, please name and shame the gym (and manager). Many on this forum have a lot of influencing power.

Robert Paton ● 5007d

Well single-sex toilets are starting to catch on in offices over here (and the Americans have been at it in their offices for ages longer).And then of course there are the single-sex toilets sometimes unilaterally but somewhat understandably imposed by the very long lines of ladies with screwed-up faces and very crossed legs at various pop concerts.Also, as I seem to recall from the 70's, the French and the Belgians were quite happy with a communal 'thinly-disguised-hole-in-the-ground' type facility in some of the more remote parts of their respective countries.I think it will come, and in sooner than two generations time as well.

Tony Colliver ● 5007d

I don't recommend naming and shaming without having rock solid evidence. You could easily end up being sued.

Ian D. Richardson ● 5007d

I believe that reporting what actually happened to oneself in any particular circumstance is permitted in our society and will not open one up to being sued.Making accusations as to why those events might have happened or casting aspersions against individuals or organisations is a different matter.

Phil Kay ● 5006d

I just found out that there is a women's only gym in southall. It is based next door to southall college. I had a view and it is looks very nice. It has all the latest machines and only female personal trainers are allowed inside. On another note, i watched a programme on 1st Jan called the 50 myths of exercise and they were saying that gyms are now basically a pick up joint where men are only looking to pick up a girl and women dress half naked in the gym with lots of makeup to also pick up a man. Very shocking and all the gyms In Ealing need to review their policies to make sure that everyone is protected and if someone is dressed inappropritely, they should have their membership suspended. A few months ago, i was at the gym and an Eastern European girl was doing ab crunches and she has very low shorts which basically exposed her. I felt like telling her she was revealing to much but then I changed my mind. You can guess all the men were staring at her and I just cringed with shame.

Asha Smith ● 5005d

also on another note, I was told by a male friend of mine who uses the gym in  West Ealing and Hanwell that steroids and drug use are used extensively by men in that gym who all want to build bigger muscles and look more macho and they are all competing on who can pull the next chick.

Asha Smith ● 5005d

Gosh! Where have you been? You seem naive and clueless about normal life.Gyms have always been like that. It's how they have been marketed. It's really why they exist.Before that they were few and the domain of boxers & bodybuilders who take their stuff very seriously.  Arnold Schwarzenegger was a bodybuilder and his first film is a semi documentary of what that world is about.Why does anyone go to a gym?  To improve their image. in other words to make themselves more attractive to the opposite sex.  The modern type gyms are based on attracting same sex. There is an all female Gym in Camden where 98% are lesbian.Would you feel anymore comfortable there with women eyeing you up and touching you openly?Everyone knows that gay men are noted for looking after their bodies and for very many, the gym is as much a ritual as brushing ones teeth.In case you have not noticed, most open activities are actually all about interaction and meeting people.That is perfectly normal and does not mean you are going to be molested.If you want to get fit. You don't need a gym anyway. Plenty of female sports groups (who are interested primarliy in sports activity. Plenty of parks and safe roads and try and find a local joggers group so you can be safe.You are a woman and in this country free to dress how you want, do things the way you want and think the way you want. Plenty choose not to do that and many are forced by cultures but that is not the core value of our society.Freedom is.If you don't understand that or appreciate it then maybe you should travel to a few countries where women are 'fair game' for one use only and not regarded as full human beings. We have and it is not nice to see or experience

Michael Brandt ● 5005d

Well Asha, you have been told by Michael just what I felt like saying to you, but was too afraid to say so directly. I agree with Michael's sentiments on this matter and hope you'll take it all in and not be too offended by the opinions.Hope you find a way to exercise more freely and happily.

Gerry Tan ● 5005d

Whilst I don't think that the Instructor's behavious, as described, sounds appropriate, I think there needs to be some checking before any mud slinging.Asha - you say that you were brought up in an era when men were gentlemen... The era you suggest was a a long time ago.  The you say that you were tuaght not to be rude to your elder.  The 'era' you've suggested would make you quite old.  For the instructor to be your elder would mean that he is even older!  Are you sure that this 'era' is not just a fantasy land?  You say that you were horrified, and others saw this.  You also say that there was a girl at another time showing off too much of herself and all the men were watching.reading between the lines, I suggest that you are actually just self concious about going to the gym, and you are more interested in who is looking at hwho and why.  A women only gym would pander to your insecurities but not change the fact that you probably need to develop to live in the world and era that you find yourself in and not just the fairytale one that you'd like to live in.It saddens me that people will feed the insecurities by jumping in and deciding that over familiarity is the same as sexual abuse.No swearing needed.  if you didn't like what he was doing you only had to say to HIM.  All the rest is just going overboard when you wouldn't take the first step.

Peter Hilton ● 5004d

Peter, i actually agree with you and I enjoyed reading what you had to say. I probably do live in a fantasy land where I wish all men behaved like gentlemen. Nowadays, you see on the tube, whenever there is an empty seat, men are the first to grab it. A true gentlemen would have offered his seat to a lady. I actually prefer watching black and white movies of the 50's than all this modern crap. From now on, if I ever go any gym and they put their arm around me, I will immediately give them a stern look and tell them to move their arm. I am very shy so I will need to practice in front of a mirror because I do not like confrontation or what they might say to me because If someone became aggressive because I told them not to touch me, I dont know how I would handle it.

Asha Smith ● 5004d

I am all for politeness and consider it quite right to offer up one's seat to a pregnant lady or older person (of which group I am rapidly progressing headlong towards myself these days!) but I have had it with yielding to "ladies" on public transport these days.This is as a result of the consequences of feminism;  the right (uncontested by me BTW, as I am keen on equality) to have everything also includes the right to stand on public transport if you can do so just as easily as I can.As the TfL posters in their inimitable PC style go: "Please give up your seat to somebody less able to stand than yourself."

Tony Colliver ● 5004d

I think your fear of aggression is largely just that - fear.  Yes, we live in a time when many people seem to jump to an aggressive state rapidly especially it seems when they are in the wrong, but that is still very much the minority and I think you should tell yourself that the majority will still recognise when they are doing some wrong without causing a problem.  You can also assure yourself that if they do act badly then it is they who will be seen and heard as the problem by others and not you.For the record, I do go to a gym (not in Ealing).  I would not deny that I do like seeing attractive girls in less clothing than outside, but this is not 'perving', it is human nature and harmless provided I do not stare constantly (i'm talking about a quick glance) and I certainly do not take it any further.  Do speak to some of the men at the gym if the right circumstances arise - they are not all trying to pounce on you, however pretty you may be.

Peter Hilton ● 5004d

I don't mind the females in the gym looking at me with intent...in fact, I love it. Its when the muscular macho hairy-chested males look at me with intent that alarm bells ring in my mind.

Gerry Tan ● 5004d

You do not need to look 'stern', Asha. Just say politely that you don't like his arm round you and it should stop immediately. As Pete says, asking the man himself to stop was the logical first step.

Susan Kelly ● 5004d